Better

Everyday lately I've been feeling like I'm sleep walking. Blame it on the progesterone. I wake up and I'm exhausted. The middle of the day and I'm exhausted. Evening time, I'm exhausted. Every morning I have to fight to keep my eyes open on my way to work. That cold medicine, foggy headed feeling just lingers day in and day out. The other half of the month that I'm not on progesterone I am back to my old self. After this next IVF cycle I am going to have to figure out what to do about this...

Speaking of which, that's just one month away! So our consultation with RE # 3 went well. I am a little embarrassed to admit we've been through 3 of them now. But on the other hand, we've learned a lot from each one, and I know we will from this one too. We met this doctor last year through my support group. Over the past year I heard more and more about him from the women in my support group. They really sang his praises and I can totally see why. He's so different from the previous two doc's. Have you ever met someone that exudes so much positive energy that it just sucks you in and you want to be around them all the time? Just the tone of his voice instantly put me at ease. He's a genuine person and from what I understand, a great doctor. My old boss even knew who he was because a good friend of hers was treated by him. I've never heard a negative word about him.

It was also somewhat validating to have a second doctor agree that I was probably over suppressed the first IVF cycle. His eyes got pretty huge when I told him what my Follistim dosage was (575), and he thinks the birth control, Luperon and 10 days of Ganirelex were probably a bad combination for a poor responder. Luckily, we know I respond well to Menopur and Bravelle, which is what RE #1 had me on all three of my timed IC cycles. So that's what we're going back to. No Luperon! No bcp's! For those that have had the privilege of that unholy union, you know what a relief that's going to be. So it's just going to be Menopur and Bravelle, with Ganirelex once he starts to see growth. And no estrogen this time either, unless my lining is too thin. I'm on board with that protocol. I'm not expecting any dramatic result this time, just hopefully one good egg.

I feel a lot different heading into this IVF cycle. The last time it felt so Do or Die. I didn't know what we were going to do if it didn't work. But now the financial burden has been lifted, the medication protocol is going to be a lot less intense, I've had a couple periods thanks to progesterone. As my husband likes to joke, hopefully the engine has been primed. Mentally, I feel more at peace. The acupuncture is definitely helping with my mood. And I think once I start having twice weekly sessions instead of one I'll feel that much better (I'll go twice a week during the IVF cycle). I'm also in a better place spiritually. I've grown in a lot of ways. Not that it won't still be hard, stressful, scary and emotional. But one thing  I have now that I didn't  have last year is faith and trust in God, and also myself. I know no matter what happens, we are going to be okay.

And I am going to be better.