September

Thirty has certainly been quite a  year: four failed treatment cycles; one chemical pregnancy; an ungodly amount of money spent; enough tears to float a boat in.

So it was a hard year. But it was also a good year.

In spite of all of that pain, there were also so many good times: the birth of my baby niece and god daughter; a trip to visit my sister and nieces, some of my most favorite people in the world; being witness to my god daughter's Christening; all the birthdays celebrated with my family and friends (I have a lot of fun making my signature birthday ice cream cakes!); a trip to Colorado with my husband to visit my in-laws, which included meeting my friends for a girls' week-end at Lake Dillon; my husband's new job and promotion that he so deserved and worked so hard for. The list goes on.

Yesterday I got myself into a funk reflecting on my year because I only thought of the bad times. And I started thinking about the fact that our road to parenthood still isn't over. The idea and the nervousness and fear of future IVFs, baby shower invitations, birth annoucements, etc, totally overwhelmed me. It was enough to make me pull the shades and crawl back into bed to hide from it all. But then my cat woke me up, and really, how can you feel so bad when you're being loved all over by your cat (which she hardly does to me btw). So I sat up, opened my shades, and started reading my Joel Osteen book. I started feeling better but still not great, until my husband brought me lunch in bed. He knew I was upset and he knows I am not the type to talk out my feelings, so he came to me. He said a lot of comforting things but what made the biggest difference were his hugs. He has the ability to make me feel safe with his hugs no matter what's going on around us. And that was all I needed.

Do you remember

When it was like September?
Before you grew cold like December
And all you saw were cloudy days

And I remember

That day when you surrendered
You stopped hurting cause you remembered
The season it won't last always

Tell me you remember
When your heart felt like September
Still had the joy

And God was just a prayer away

I can see clearly now
The sun is much brighter now
The season it won't last always

Seemed like forever
You said When will my life get better?
I'm tired of stormy weather
But the sun always shines in May

So just remember
The next time you feel like December
Remember that night in September
When God wiped all your tears away

Everybody has a September in their life.
You know, that first time you heard God's voice.
You felt His love.
So no mather what season you're in right now,
after winter comes Spring...