Sunday, May 1, 2011


Before I say anything else, I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the comments you left me on my last post; to those that sent me encouraging emails, texts and phone calls; to those that have kept me in your thoughts and prayers this week; and especially to my husband and my family, who held my hand and dried my tears, and maybe even shed some of your own - your love and support will forever hold a place in my heart. Know that I couldn't face each day without you. There are no words to express my gratitude so I will always try my hardest to be as good to you as you have been to me.

Now with that all said, I am feeling much better today. Last night was the first night of restful sleep I've had in a week which I really needed. I didn't wake up this morning feeling weighed down. I did wake up with some pretty intense cramping and some spotting, but my guess is that my period is soon on its way. I think I am ready for it. It will be the final nail in the coffin - my body telling me it's moved on. My hCG was down to 14 on Thurs. I consider myself lucky that it dropped on its own.

On Friday we had a consultation with a new doctor. Last week we learned that our first RE just wasn't paying attention. She didn't even bother to call me herself during last week's "events." Not a, I'm sorry, here's maybe what went wrong or here's what we may do differently next time. Maybe that's not standard protocol but it's not acceptable to me. It's also not acceptable to me that, after reviewing my records from her, she sent us on our merry way after our last u/s without bothering to mention the fact that my lining of 6.1mm might be an issue. Instead she just told her nurse to send me home with a couple estrogen patches and call it a cycle. I know better now.

So we went to a new doctor and we are going to start seeing him instead. Here's what we learned from him:
  • The first RE told me she didn't think I would respond to Clomid. I never asked her why. She just said we needed to do gonad. inj's right out the gate. According to the new doctor, yes, the chances of conceiving w/ inj's vs Clomid is slightly higher, but by slightly he means about 2%. Call me crazy but I don't think the $1,300/month difference between the inj's and Clomid justifies that 2%. So for the next cycle I'll be on Clomid instead. We'll see how I do. I am certainly willing to give it a try.
  • He also said that had he seen my uterine lining was that thin so far into the cycle, he would have just cancelled the cycle. He said there was "no way" I could have sustained a pregnancy with a lining that thin. I told him she put me on the patch the day I triggered but he said I would've needed to have it on about 2 weeks earlier for my lining to thicken in time. I'm sure now that my lining was to blame for this miscarriage b/c as soon as I took off the patch and stopped the progesterone my hCG dropped right away. So next time I will wear the patch or do a Viagra suppository much earlier on. Interestingly, Viagra is used to address thin uterine linings b/c just in the way it works to enhance blood flow to the penis in men, apparently it does the same to the uterus in women.
  • Before we start more treatments, he is going to run some tests. I'd always wondered in the back of my mind if I needed more diagnostics so I am all for it. He's going to check my AMH first and foremost. That'll test my ovarian reserve to make sure I'm not coming up short. My response to the drugs has been ok but he wants to rule it out completely before we go any further. He's going to check my insulin and blood glucose levels to rule out any insulin resistance. This is b/c I have PCOS variance, (my 1st RE gave me the same diagnosis). What's odd though is that unlike most PCOS patients, I am not very sensitive to the drugs. I have responded with at least one mature follicle each cycle, but most PCOS patients will have much more than that. And third, he's going to do a hysteroscopy to check out my uterus to see if there's anything in there that's not allowing my lining to grow like it should. He said my estrogen levels have been ok - good enough that I should have an adequate lining. But that's not the case so he wants to do some more investigating there.
  • So once these tests are done, and if everything comes back normal, we'll proceed w/ the Clomid plan. I think I'm going to have the tests done in June, and then if we can, we'll start our next cycle w/ him in July.

It helps to have a plan and some answers, and it helps to feel like we have someone who is going to pay attention. It's given me a little bit of hope again. I am trying to think of this as a new beginning.

While I was in church this morning, flipping through the Bible, I just happened to open to John 16: 17-33. It's the "ask and you shall receive" message. He uses a woman in childbirth going through agony only to have it replaced by pure joy with the birth of her baby analogy. Jesus says, "Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy." I read those verses over and over, realizing that I didn't randomly flip to that page in my Bible. All week I cried and prayed and begged to God to show me something, anything to let me know that's He's here, that He's listening.

I think He showed me.


  1. I am glad that you have found a new RE. My husband and I also 'fired' our first RE due to his lack of interest and what we now realize was bad advice on how we should proceed. Thinking of you and praying for you!

  2. I am so sorry for your loss and your feeling that you weren't being paid close enough attention to. It sounds like you have a great plan of action for the future. It shouldn't take long for your hcg to drop at this point. Have you tried Clomid before?
    How did they diagnose your PCOS?
    Thinking of you in this hard time.

  3. Wow...I learned so much in this post!

  4. I love that verse. My parents had it engraved on BJ's headstone; it's so powerful and comforting. What a blessing that God gave you that specific verse today. He knows exactly what you needed. Thinking of and praying for you friend:)

  5. I hate, hate, hate that you had to go through this to be where you are now, but the move to a new RE was a wise choice. I look back at my journey now, and am SO SO SO glad that I switched. Through it all, I wouldn't be considered 'successful' (viable pregnancy), but I know my doctor truly cared, did all he could, and protected not only my body, but my babies, and my emotions the best he could. I can't imagine where I would be without his guidance. We have peace with every thing we did.

  6. I am so glad you sought a 2nd opinion. I did the same thing after my last doctor did not do anything for me while I was miscarrying and pretty much told me to come back in 2 months and we could try another cycle.

    I am now with a new doctor who I have COMPLETE faith in. It makes a big difference I feel.

    Wishing you the best of luck with the new plan, and sending hugs from a far.


  7. I'm so happy to hear that you're on your way to feeling better, and you now have a plan which can make all the difference. Your new RE sounds wonderful and thorough. I just tried Viagra this past cycle!

  8. I am so glad you found another doctor to walk this path with you. I am so sorry for your loss. I have known the heartache of pleading for the natural end of a pregnancy that begins to fail, nothing more bittersweet than being pregnant with a little one who you know you will not get to hold this side of heaven. Thoughts and prayers with you today.

  9. Also glad you found a new RE. Hoping that this one works out better for you. Sending hugs your way.

  10. I'm glad you're going to someone else and it sounds like he'll be much more thorough than your previous RE. It's so important to find someone you trust and feel cares about you. It's good to have hope; I have lots of hope for you.

  11. I am glad to see you are doing better. I'm also grateful to the others on here who share their experiences. It helps me to know that some of the things you are going through are "normal" and that quite a few have had less than attentative doctors.

  12. Stumbled over here from Amanda's post about lining issues and just wanted to toss in my two cents as that was my core IF issue as well and I was able to overcome it (barely).

    We skipped the Clomid cycles entirely due to their propensity to thin your lining and went straight to a Follistim cycle after natural efforts failed.

    Our natural efforts - we did two cycles with estrogen supplements and acupuncture as well as some baby aspirin for good measure. Those two cycles resulted in one non-ovulatory cycle and one chemical pregnancy.

    In our Follistim cycle we still had lining issues the day before our IUI we were at 6mm and the day of we were back sub 6mm and pretty much hopeless. Somehow, it took though. We used a combination of E2 supplements with Follistim to boost the lining and I did acupuncture every other day for CD 3 through O. Then 2 x per week until beta.

    I know how frustrating it can be - I'm sorry you're dealing with it. It also seems like an uncommon issue so its even harder to find others that have dealt with it or overcome it, so I just wanted to reach out and give you my thoughts and wish you luck.


  13. I'm so glad you went ahead with your consult. I think you will be very happy there. I'm so sorry your RE before wasn't more compassionate and thorough. Wishing you all the best with Dr. S. I pray by the end of the summer he will have worked his magic on both of us! ;-)