Thursday, January 20, 2011

Hope Bloats

I was so happy to be done with the injections for a while but the progesterone is starting to catch up to me :\  I feel hungry pretty much all the time, irritability comes and goes, but by far the most uncomfortable side effect is the bloating. Anything that doesn't have an elastic waist can feel uncomfortable and I feel pretty self conscious about it. I keep looking at my stomach in mirrors from side angles the way pregnant women do. I don't know why I like to torture myself. It's so ironic that the same drug(s) that are supposed to help you conceive have side effects that mirror pregnancy symptoms. It's like the ultimate betrayal by my body - I'm gonna make you think and feel like you're pregnant, but SYCH! Just kidding. What, you mean you don't want all the pregnancy symptoms without the actual pregnancy?! Me and my body are on two different pages. Or books more like it.

Despite the sarcasm, I really am feeling pretty okay psychologically. I've been trying to keep a positive attitude and focus on things outside the baby world, like work, family, friends. I've been thinking I need a new hobby. Exercise has been it for a long time but I've been scaling back, especially my cardio, just in case. Reading provides a great escape but I need something somewhat physical that I can turn my energy towards. Although I don't have a lot of that right now, so maybe something that will help perk it up.

I got very good news on Tuesday! My progesterone level is through the roof (well into the 40s), so I'm still in the running and responding really well (maybe too well if you ask me), to the medicine, although my RE didn't want to decrease my dosage. But that made me feel good that those results were so positive. Not because it necessarily means I'm pregnant, but certainly the more progesterone the better, and hopefully it's a sign of things to come, i.e. a successful cycle.

I go back next week for the moment of truth. The culmination of the past 4 weeks. Do or die. Make or break. The all mighty, all powerful, Pregnancy Test. Dun Dun Duh! It seems a little early to me b/c it'll only be about 10 days post ovulation. So if I get a negative you better believe I'll be administering a follow up! Maybe that's the overachiever in me. I guess I just don't trust my body at this point even one iota. B/c you know the second I know for sure I'm not pregnant I am having a drink or two or three, etc.

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